December 10, 2017
This is one of the most commonly asked questions that is asked in the world of dating.
“How do I make him like me?” So let’s talk about the situation.
You’re interested in a guy and well… you’re not quite sure if he’s interested in you back! You’ve even dropped a few hints! Maybe you’ve snuggled on the couch a bit while watching a movie, maybe you’ve spent all time of the day texting each other and it starts to get a little bit flirty.
Let’s face the truth, as a guy, when talking to women, it can be an emotional minefield! Some of us can’t really tell if a girl likes us, OR WORSE, we can often confuse flirting with a girl being nice to us. It’s a nightmare for most men!
But, before I tell you how to make him like you, because if you’re reading this you are, or might have been, in a situation where you’ve dropped so many hints it’s really silly, I want to tell you about a couple of situations to look out for.
1. ARE YOU TRYING TO “FIGURE IT OUT.”
Some people get into this trap. They get into a trap of “but I just need to find this missing piece,” or “If I just work hard enough at it, I can get this to work.” I have one truth for you if you’re in this state. RELATIONSHIPS ARE COLLABORATIVE. You’ve heard me say this a thousand times and this is another way of discussing it.
Think of a project that two people are working on. They discuss it, they both want to be there and they both want to participate in it. What if one person DOESN’T want to be there? Well, it’s not really much of a collaboration anymore is it? Now it’s more one-sided. Now, in this project, if you’re struggling to get the project done, what options do you have?
You can work harder (not a very viable long-term solution).
You can find a new partner, somebody who WANTS to be with you (and work with you).
You can do what everybody normally does, and study on how to MAKE another person like/work with you.
This last option is a failing strategy.
It’s a failing strategy because you’re trying to force somebody to do something they don’t want to do. It’s as simple as that. If you’re FORCING somebody to like you, if you’re trying to CONVINCE somebody to like you, you’re doing it wrong. REALLY WRONG!
This basically communicates to yourself that YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. That YOU have to learn some new strategy or some new trick in order to be attractive and make him like you.
2. DOES HE ACTUALLY LIKE YOU?
If he does, then great! If he doesn’t, then hell not! Remember, this really simple rule. IF HE LIKES YOU, he will make it easier for you!
This means, all the frustration of you trying to figure it out GOES OUT THE WINDOW! This means, all the time that when you try and figure out what to say, or when you’re trying to make it happen, NONE OF IT ACTUALLY MATTERS.
IF HE LIKES YOU, if he wants you or if he is ready for you, he will make it easier for you. Sure, you might say things wrong, but most of the time a guy will like what you said if he likes you. If he isn’t ready for you, he will only collaborate with you up until that point!
Guy A likes you and you like Guy A, you guys have been hanging out for a little bit but you’re not quite sure how he feels. You’ve had a chat with him about it and he’s not really sure. He kind of keeps you at emotional arm’s length. What does this mean?
This does not mean you have to try and figure out how to help or heal him or wait in line for your turn because truth be told all those things just teach him that you’re his therapist or his friend! What you have to do is realise that he’s just not ready and all the pining around, waiting around and ‘orbiting’ that takes place will not help you. In fact, waiting around trying to figure it out ACTUALLY MAKES IT WORSE! You’re teaching him that you’re a friend when you don’t just want to be his friend. In fact, being friends comes from being lovers or partners!
3. IF HE LIKES YOU~ DO THIS!
This is simple, and easy, and is so simple and easy it might actually go over your head, so take the time to read what is written below and even take the time to notice what I am pointing towards.
If he likes you, do this one little thing.
Listen to him, listen to what he needs, what he wants and what he likes and what he doesn’t like. People will tell you what they like, they will also tell you what they don’t like. If a guy needs to push you away, sometimes that’s actually a good thing because it builds tension or he needs to know if he can trust you with some distance. The dating-dance is this invisible adjustment of tests to see what kind of partner you will be. Listen to what he’s doing, his actions and you’ll transcend any zone!
Guy B and you have been dating for a while, but now he feels a bit restless and needs to spend time without you for a little bit. Give him that space, and if he wants you he will come back. He then learns in that time that you’re the kind of woman that can look after yourself and that he doesn’t always need to look after!
Guy C and you have gone on one date and you are keen to hang out again, but you’re not quite sure where he is at yet. You notice he’s quite busy so you don’t ask him out for a couple days. When you do he responds like he’s been waiting all week for you to ask him! That is how we want our love life to go!
WHY DOES THIS WORK
It works because of a little thing called empathy. In fact, it works in all situations because if you notice a guy needs space and he disappears on you, good riddance! He didn’t actually want you in the first place. Often too much pressure on a guy can make him disappear!
After all, love isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Take the time to read the signs. Think before you act and don’t try and draw conclusions when you’ve got very little evidence!
Thanks for reading!
Harvey Hooke Xx
November 27, 2017
There are two forces that dictate any relationship.
They are both powerful and lacking these forces can create all sorts of problems.
This is the entire basis of the Epic Relationship Course, understanding these two forces!
In dating and relationships, even love and sex, these two forces are prevalent. From that initial spark that you see that person and you think they are rather cute, to the most intimate moment you two might share and even a heated conversation that turns into heated lovemaking!
These twin forces decide, dictate and demonstrate love between two people. It is the FLOW between two conscious beings that creates the connection and these two forces are like the rope that connects two!
They are: Read More
November 19, 2017
It’s Christmas time!
And depending on where you are in the world (for example, in Australia it’s Summer and hot), but no matter where you are if you just keep dating jerks we want to stop it.
I personally think the word “Jerk” defines the situation very well. The guy just jerks you around. It’s a sudden movement. One day he wants one thing, and the next day he wants another. One day he wants you, and the next day he doesn’t. If we look at it pass the insult and at the real meaning of the word (which is a lot more powerful) we start to recognise a real human behind the actions. I am in no way saying this kind of behaviour is ok in this article, but if we want to know how to stop it, it does pay to look a little bit deeper!
So why do we want to stop dating jerks in the first place?
There’s the biggest obvious reason, you stop getting hurt. You can waste your time, you can have your emotions toyed with and you can feel left out, alone and isolated when you are dating a guy who jerks you around. You might know what you want but he doesn’t!
So here are my top three recommended ways to stop dating jerks!
SEE IF HE INVESTS IN YOU
Now, this is the first one and the trickiest one. Often what you’ll find is that there’s a really powerful rule here. Stop looking at what a guy says and start looking at what he does. You’ll find that a jerky guy will often say things and butter you up with promises and promises and promises.
Promises like “well, I want to take you to this place,” and he never does! This shows you very plain and simply that he’s more interested in having you around than doing anything for you, and THIS IS A BIG NO NO for any prolonged relationship.
Why would you want to stick around and hope that he chooses you? A lot of people do this and after a while, they learn that if a guy wants you in his life he will make it easier for you, and also if he wants you that he will try and demonstrate it. Sure, some guys don’t know how to be a good partner, and there are a lot out there who are like that, but those who are ready will be attentive to meet your needs in the best possible way.
There is a difference between a guy who is a jerk and a guy who just is a bit daft. You’ll see that a guy who is daft, once you tell him what you need (IF you tell him what you need) will be quick to figure it out. It is too easy to lump all men into a few categories, which is why it is wise to take a second to consider each person individually in the same way you’d want guys to do the same for you.
LOWER YOUR “WAIT AND SEE” PERIOD
This comes to the second thing. A lot of people have a “wait and see” period which can be a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because then you don’t rush into things, but it is a curse because often we use it because we don’t trust our intuition. The reason why they confuse this is that they can’t tell the difference between intuition, fear and dreams. Intuition will tell you what you need to do based of what is going on in real life, the others will just tell you what you want to do based on an image you have in your head
Our emotional intuition is telling us things for a reason, not to trust somebody or to go full steam ahead, and if the rule of “where your focus goes your energy flows” is true, then what you find is that when you spend time “waiting and seeing” you put more focus into the waiting and seeing rather than the actual experiencing and moving towards and away from.
Trial periods are good in general, a trial for meeting somebody for example, BUT if your gut tells you no and you keep going, then you’re getting yourself into that situation!
Isn’t it true how a lot of people can get themselves into the same situation over and over and over again? It’s often because they are making the same choices over and over and over again.
“I’m sure he will get better,” is a personal standard that you are breaking… and as the rule goes.
“You Get What You Tolerate” – Tony Robbins
RAISE YOUR STANDARDS
A standard is something that you consider to be true to life and it just makes sense. It’s the NORM of your life. For example, you making money might be a standard that you have, and depending on how much money you make is dependant on how high that standard is. Some have super high standards and as a result, they work harder or smarter so they can make a lot more money. I personally have a high emotional standard, so I look after myself and make sure that part of my life is looked after.
We all have standards for love, but now I am going to give you a top 5 list of standards that you can choose to adopt if you want to that will drastically change the course of your dating life.
ONE: See if he collaborates with you.
If it is all on his terms, then that’s not a relationship, that’s a one-way-ship.
TWO: Only invest in synergistic relationships.
It is important to make sure that you invest in relationships that make you feel better and not worse. If one stops being that, you might just need a bit of time out or some discussion of issues.
THREE: Talk about issues while they are small.
If you let emotions brew up, you’re going to have an explosive bad time, or worse you might resent your partner for making you feel certain ways.
FOUR: Listen more without interpretation.
This is a powerful way of being. Sometimes we are always listening to what we need to hear, and sure, we will always do that to some extent, but the more you can listen to somebody truly rather than waiting to respond, let them say everything they need to say, the more you can truly understand a person at a deeper level. You’ll also be able to tell if they are going to jerk you a mile away on this. If you want to learn how to do this more, I’d suggest a coaching call.
FIVE: Say what you mean.
The more we play roles in peoples lives, the more a guy has a chance of jerking you around. If he picks up that you’re a real person with feelings, emotions and dreams, he’s more likely to be scared off earlier because he will realise that he can’t be his jerky self around you! That your standard is that somebody has to also be true to themselves and he might not be able to do that (yet).
I find most of all, that we do get what we tolerate in relationships, and if you give what you want to get, which is that if you want somebody to be stable with you, it might be suggestable to do the same in an emotional sense. Love itself comes to those who listen for it. I just want you to know that if you’ve been dating a lot of jerks that not all men are like that. If you were to view the world in blue, you would not know any other colours.
Thanks for reading.
Harvey Hooke Xx
November 13, 2017
We have all been there!
You’re texting somebody that you really like and suddenly he stops texting you! Suddenly you start to think,
“WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?”
But guess what? Do not fret! In this article, you’re going to discover WHY this happens, and then HOW to stop it! Read More
November 5, 2017
Well Well well!
Here we are again!
This time, let’s talk about Sexy Powerful! I like the term Sexy Powerful because that’s just it, it’s sexy to be powerful. I don’t mean that you have to be this crazy pushy person who bosses people around and doesn’t listen to other people’s needs, but what it does mean is that you’re powerful enough to look after your own!
This is a sort of Personal Power that comes from self-belief! Belief in yourself that you are a worth a damn, belief in yourself that you are worth his attention and belief in yourself that you can do whatever your mind works towards! Read More