CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING (what happens after a break up)
Ok, so this is a topic that I have not seen this talked about a lot on the internet, so it’s worth being talked about. This is a topic that I personally explored and came to conclusions during a break up of my own. I often find that the people I work with when going through a breakup will often find themselves doing this process but fighting it. In this article, we are not only going to talk about conscious uncoupling, but also, what happens after a breakup.
So what happens in a relationship?
To talk about breakups and conscious uncoupling, we also have to talk about what happens in a relationship. In the relationship, you and your partner start to share a mental and emotional connection. You start to develop habits together, you start to think the same way and eat the same foods. Your lifestyles eventually merge, and not to the detriment of the individuals. You create a lot of emotional and mental connections that can be even compared to a psychic link. You start to know each other in ways that you never could have known them, after all, you probably are spending a lot of time together.
So in this process, you could consider two people becoming one more significant being. One person that loves themselves (hopefully) and does spend a lot of time with themselves. It’s to this extent often when I see a couple kissing, I often imagine them as one person, loving and caring for themselves. I think it’s a beautiful way to look at it occasionally.
So what happens in a breakup?
Ok, so considering all of that, in a breakup, one could consider that the opposite occurs. While before you were connecting, during a breakup you may be going through the process of conscious uncoupling. This is a severing of connections, and that’s why it can hurt sometimes. If you’re not yet ready to let go of the relationship, then you’re neither moving forward or backward which can be rather painful in itself, but if you are, the conscious uncoupling process takes its place.
This means your mind is backtracking. Going through all the experiences (or the significant ones at least) and processing them. This can result in a variety of mixed emotions, from anger at their lack of commitment to sadness at the end of the relationship. All of these emotions ARE perfect. They will always be perfect.
Some people try and avoid this, but this is a NATURAL PROCESS that you cannot stop, so all you do is prolong it. In the end, it’s best to sit and feel the back and forth that your mind and heart is going through, as you go through all experiences, one day wishing you were together, thinking about all the things you could have done and hating their guts all at the same time. Sure, it can be painful, but it’s better than suppressing the emotion and having it seriously affect your life in ways you previously could not understand.
So what can you do about it?
Well, apart from working with a coach, your best bet is to take some time where you can allow the feelings to come up. Make a mental note to surrender to whatever emotions you feel, and that it’s ok to feel them. Only through feeling them will you come out on the other side whole and better for the experience. You can’t go over them, you can’t go under it, you have to go through it!
Thank you for reading.
Harvey Hooke Xx