How to Date Somebody with Depression.
Are you dating somebody with depression?
Are you dating somebody who’s anxious or sad all the time? Well, now it’s time to talk about it. Through this article, I can give you solace, because, this situation can be a pain in the ass. I’ve been there personally, but also, recently, this has been a big thing that I have been helping my clients through. So, I’m going to give you some major tips now, that can help create some relief.
First, don’t treat them like they are depressed.
It’s true that often people align with a person that matches their mental state. I often find that people who feel like they need to help or fix people to get them to like them (that was me years ago). We can often change our behavior if we think a person needs a certain kind of treatment, and this can kill the relationship. Instead, treat them like they are, a human.
I want you to, instead of trying to tiptoe around them, be fully you around them and TREAT THEM LIKE THEY ARE A HUMAN! This means they do all the things that humans can do. This means they can connect, be happy, enjoy life and share in all the same ways you are.
Here’s the thing. You might be worried about being considerate to their feelings. Well, guess what humans do? They tell you how they feel. They will tell you how they want to be treated. When we assume too much about how to treat them, we end up treating them differently to how they actually are. We end up communicating to a disconnected version. What we think they are vs how they actually are. Do not get caught up in this! Treat them like they aren’t depressed.
They have no reason to treat you like shit.
Here’s the thing. They might treat you badly for one reason or another. They are angry, stressed, or something went wrong. This is a UNIVERSAL reason. Just because something has happened to them does not mean that you deserve to be treated badly.
This is a situation of “you get what you tolerate,” so if you allow them to treat you badly because of something else that you didn’t have any direct influence on, that shit is on you.
Bad day at work.
Not feeling good.
Something going wrong.
Not good enough. You set the standard on how you wanted to be treated. This also helps them out because how else will they learn how their actions affect others. You’re not their teacher here, but you will help them understand.
As somebody who went through a severe depression myself, the thing that got me out of it was realizing how it affected other people. Now, I recognize that this isn’t everybody, but sometimes when the mind doesn’t have structure, we let it slide. This is the slide that can slip even deeper. What you’re providing for this person is a structure for that person to re-discover who they are.
Connect through joy.
I often say this to my clients, and if we were on a call, I’d be getting you to do this as well, but I want the primary mode of connection for you and your partner to be happy. You’re not their therapist unless you want to be, then, by all means, go ahead.
This means, connect with them through sharing loving things. If the overall theme of your relationship is not joy, it’s based on healing. When it is based on healing, I’ve often observed that they fall apart when the healing is done. Now, there are some people reading this who say “it’s ok to be sad” and it is TRUE. It is ok to be sad, but fuck? What do you want your life to be? Happy or sad? What do you want your love life to be? What do you want the theme to be?
You might be dealing with your own grief reading this. You might be sad yourself. You can’t move forward unless you’re friends with that sadness.
And here’s the truth with it all…
You cannot be truly happy unless you’ve become friends with your sadness. You just cannot. The happiest people I’ve ever met are the ones who’ve been through sadness and learned how to master it. I’m one of it, and when I work with people one on one, it’s something I find myself accidentally teaching people as well.
Now, all of this does not mean that you have to be get yourself sad, but it does mean not judging yourself for being sad. It also means that you’re not treating others or yourself for being sad. In fact, the best gift you can give somebody going through depression is to get out of it yourself.
The overall thing here is, that you’re giving them a gift.
THEN, you get to decide the ultimate thing….
Is it worth your time?
If you want to know if a relationship is worth your time, I suggest we set up a call. You can do it here. There’s so much more to this topic, and your situation is probably different to all situations, so I recommend we speak about it.
Thank you for reading!
Harvey Hooke Xx